So Much
by GrandeurDaHighest
Summary: Maya loves Emily so much. So much she ignores everything that Em throws at her. Can it be justified in the name of love?
1. Chapter 1

Note: There's no A. No copyright blah blah. Alison is not a bitch. I added Maya and Mona to the clique.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WARING

Italics are Maya thoughts. Shoutouts to any surviving Emaya shippers this fa yall lol. Sorry for any mistakes.

Now every group of friends usually have the following; The shy quiet one, the loud funny one, the smart ass, and the quirky wise one. Except for this group of friends Each person embodied all of these characteristics - some more than others. Also there were more than 4 of them.

Let's start with Aria the quirky quiet wise one. The one who won't say much but will say just enough and just the right things. Type to bust out a poem or song quote and you'll never know cause it was so genuine. Friends and family call her an empath for this skill. Moving on to Mona the second child of the group, Aria is the oldest. Sometimes starting shit due to her hot headedness but always looking out for her sisters. The risk taker out the bunch, very unpredictable when things get hectic. But like she says " Hey it gets shit done." Polar opposite of Emily. Not as in don't get shit done but more of " I do it so sneakily and quiet you'll never I did it to begin with." Growing up Emily was a little reserved but soon grew out of it meeting this bunch of girls. She's the cocky, confident one but she purposely blends into the background even in the family. Limelight was never her thing and still isn't. Emily is the gay one, well first gay one Maya came out later. Technically Maya didn't come out more of confirmed it, labels and sections aren't her thing. Maya was the person who kept the flow moving, never letting it teeter to one side too heavy. Balancing out everybody with her all around personality. Yes confident but rarely bold she left that for the others. She always kept close to Em. Obviously the two start dating later freshmen year, thanks to a lot of' encouraging' from Hanna and Ali. The rest was gonna let it play out but Hanna and Ali couldn't take it anymore. The pair forced Maya and Emily in a dim lit room locked the door and didn't come back for 2 hours. Hanna of course was the mastermind. Seen as the youngest who could do anything, say anything and get off clean. The rambunctious busy body who surprisingly is level headed. There's Alison the loud funny one, at times she's wise with the tips and tricks she dishes to the group. Some might call her Queen Bee but she never paid any mind to the title let alone let it describe her. Could she be mean at times? Hell yeah, Ali is the Mom of the group. Spencer is Mom #2 Let's call her Mama. Spencer is the smart ass, any words not spoken she will definitely notice. Thats why when Emily came out as gay freshman year it wasn't a shock. But just like Spencer, an excellent detective is Maya. You see that's what bonded Spencer and Maya together. Well that and their love for Mystery Inc and Nancy Drew. Maya came later in this dynamic back in 6th grade when she met Hanna and Mona in the hallway.

FLASHBACK

" Hanna we're going to be late." Mona whined.

" Mona… Do you really think I care? It's the second day of school we can walk into class at least 5 minutes late. We are newbies. FUCK! Why is this locker shit so hard?" Hanna kicked the locker.

" I know right! I just carry my backpack around. We could just load our stuff in Spencer and Aria locker. You know Spenc got hers open and if she does so does Aria. I swear Aria is her favorite and I'm not trying to be sensitive but that's a little fucked up." Mona replied leaning her back against the locker cooly. Adjusting the bag on her shoulder noticing it's getting heavier over time..Or maybe she's getting tired.

" See that's why I love you Mona you speak the words that's right in my head. Omg what if they're gay for each other?! That's lowkey cute." Hanna gushed winking at getting both of them laughing. By this point this hallways are filled with their laughter as every other student cleared rushed to class. They're shocked back to reality as they hear a soft click 4 lockers to their left. It's a locker swinging open.. On the first try! Both girls exchanged looks and stepped up to the locker door. Their eyes meet a lightskin fairly short girl with braids all the way down hitting her back. The mystery girl chuckled.

"Yeah I know I'm pretty legit opening the locker on the first try." She beamed, revealing pearly white teeth and dimples. Reaching her hand she introduced herself" Hey name is Maya. Maya . I'm new here. Well we all are but I'm new to this town, what about yall?" She tilted her head.

" My name is Hanna and this is Mona. And i'm declaring you our new friend!" Hanna squealed. All 3 girls exchanging schedules. Mona gasped " We pretty much got the same schedule except for one class yay! At lunch we're gonna introduce you to the rest of the family!" They all joined arms, ventured the halls for a few more minutes and headed to class. The rest is history.

END FLASHBACK

PRESENT DAY

Senior year, the year where shit gets real. Maya could feel the shift coming preparing for it everyday and night. College acceptance letters, scholarships, homecoming, prom and Emily. Even though it was the first day of Senior year she knew one day, one by one, this family of girls would disband. Being the realist and optimist she is, she revels in the fact that its for the better. _I sure hope Em sees it this way. I mean she's going to some top notch college for swimming right? Why would she be mad at us for leaving the nest too? _Realizing she said to us instead of me, Maya frowned in thought. Knowing something deep within but not willingly to confirm it just yet. _Maybe it's not like that._.

" Damn what you got scrunched up love?" Mona perked up interrupting the self denial Maya was engulfed in. Lightly jumping in shock Maya giggled and lunged to hug Mona.

" Mona love it's the ole senior blues." She said somberly.

" Awww we need to have sleepovers almost every night!' Mona replied sadly

" Yes we agree." Aria and Spencer said smoothly at the same time.

" Oh my god you creeps! Was yall hiding in the bushes or something?" Maya asked jokingly looking around frantically.

" Ha ha bitch you know we know where you're at all times. It's senior year, it's pop up season." Aria poked her tongue out.

" Ew stick that monster back in it stanks" Hanna easily interjected in with Ali giggling right behind her.

_I'm gonna miss moments like these damn I love these girls so much it hurts. Wait where's Em?_

" Hey where's Em?" Spencer silently reading Maya's mind. Their eyes meet and Spenc shoots her a smirk.

" She's probably late. So cocky she knows she won't get any tardy or detentions." Ali explained.

" I'm not trying to shake up a happy home but Maya your girlfriend is quite the charmer. All she needs to do is shoot a smile and it's a go." Causing everybody to laugh.

" I know I know that mouth is definitely good for more than just smiling." Maya shoots back.

" Oh we know." Aria slips in. Maya starts blushing turning red.

" I'm not tryna be racist but I didn't know black people can blush and turn red." Hanna said quizzily. The group goes quiet for a second. All eyes on Maya. They all glance at each other and erupt in laughter, tears pouring out their eyes. Maya laughter was cut short as she felt a hand touch her middle back. She tensed up and quickly turned around. _I hope Em doesn't see this. _Brown eyes met brown eyes as she came face to face with Emily. Tension in her body left just a little as memories of last night flooded into her brain.

_It was just an argument Maya nothing too dramatic. I know, I know but man the way Emily was looking at me it felt like it was gonna happen again-._

"Hey babe You good?" Em quickly whispered to Maya. In return she shook her head and gave Emily a kiss.

" Aww look at the cutest gay couple in Rosewood" Noel swiftly taking the attention off the couple.

_God I hope nobody noticed that. Maybe me and Em need to talk about it. No no she apologized over and over, showered me in presents and promised never to do it again._

Emily noticed the relief wash over Maya's face and softly smiled " My love Germain I missed you."Kissing her cheek. " Awww." Noel jokingly pouted." So who turns it next?" Turning to the others. They looked confused "Oh you know which one of you two gonna start dating?"an abrupt of laughter started throughout the quad. As the laughter rose and mellowed out so did Maya nerves. Emily of course took notice, softly kissing her cheek rubbing her thumb over her knuckles.

"Do we need to talk about something?" Em whispered in her love ear quickly. St. Germain nerves slightly elevated again. She turned around and muzzled Em's chest.

"Mmm I don't know babe maybe my nerves are just up today. A Lot on my mind you know?

Senior year just started. Career choices already on my mind." Germain softly vented. She felt the gears in her girlfriend grinding, her body slightly tensing.

"My love can we talk about this later please?"

"Yes of course" Maya looked up soundly kissing her on the cheek. Em poked her head back to look Maya fully in the face.

"Why aren't you kissing me on the LIPS? We haven't kissed in 2 days!" Em harshly whispered. Panic immediately came over Maya but as quickly as it came it left. _I have to keep composure. For fucks sake we're in front of our friends! The whole school! _

"Emily. Not right now." Silently begging with her eyes. _This is getting too hectic. I love her but no I can't go through this. Especially when I know how she gets. I wanna call a break but she might-_

Saved by the bell as it rang out, signaling the official start to the school year.

"Gots to go Em bye." Maya turned around, grabbed Alison arm " Come on schedule buddy we gots to go." "Lead the way Miss Germain." Ali riddled off.

It's now lunch period. To say it's been a day is an understatement. It wasn't even over yet what a shame. Maya found herself wanting to avoid lunch, specifically avoid Emily. Opening up her locker gathering her things for the rest of the day, turning to the mirror she got lost in the gaze of herself.

_Em has always been over protective of me. But the way she treats me. Almost everyday it's something I'm not doing right in her eyes. I don't know if it's gonna hurt me to continue like this or call a break. I love her sooo much but this cannot continue. I can't even let this out to anybody because we're all close. _

Taking a deep breath exhaling conflications roaming around in her head, closing her locker she starts walking towards the cafeteria. After 3 years the group still had their same lunch table. Relief settling in as she noticed nobody else has yet arrived. Settling in putting her bags down Maya pulled out her phone. Mindlessly scrolling through her feeds not noticing her lover sneak up on her side. Charming Fields laid a kiss on her shoulder.

" Baby I know this isn't the time nor place but I'm sorry for that outburst earlier. I know things have been shaky between us and I will take responsibility for that okay? Can we please talk later? Please?" Em begging, kissing all over girlfriends face waiting for the answer. Maya finally broke lightly giggling.

" Yes babe ok. I accept your apology but we definitely have to talk." Pecking her lips. All the other girls arrived one by one except for Spencer and Aria. _They're so gay. _

" Sooo first day back and it's already a party. Yall know what that means!" Raging Mona shouted out getting Hanna and Aria to jump up and down in excitement. _Wow what perfect timing. _

' Well you guys enjoy that me and my lady will be at home together." Em said snuggling into Maya's side. _Oh no no. I wanna go. I can't disagree with her though. Especially in public. That will lead to an argument we just resolved! Imma just put it off for when we talk later. Who knows/s maybe I'll go there single? Yeah single and miserable. _

" Aww come on guys it's senior year! We gotta do it big one last time." Spencer surprisingly said.

"Wow if Spenc saying go you gotta go. For fuck's sake she pribably got 2 projects to do and she's still going!" Hanna whined. The couple exchanged eyes, reading the others all too well. _I know what that looks mean. Tread lightly. _Decoding the message and sending one back Maya smirked " If you guys ever felt Emily tongue you would stay in the house too."

" Ewww!" the others said simultaneously.

_It's finally the end of the day, whew. Me and Em still have to talk. I'm so nervous. Actually scared. I just can't dont wanna see a repeat. Not of that. We could yell and disagree all we like but not that again. It really scared me but I try so hard not to let it._

_FLASHBACK _

Maya knew something about Emily nobody on this planet knew. Maybe not even Emily herself. Her temper. Not childish tantrums or snarky comments no aggressive and in your face type of temper. Maya saw a glimpse of it when an asshole would try the family but never full blown. Never directed to her. It started 3 months ago, the start of summer ago to be exact. When Maya forgot to let Em know she wasn't going out with Spencer anymore. Germain received a shockingly aggressive phone call from Emily. Perceiving it as her being over protective, the incident was nothing more than labeled as miscommunication. It increased over time. _It was one time. One time I didn't update her. Since then she's all on me. Constantly asking where I'm at, what I'm wearing and what I'm thinking. Times I don't wanna give up my privacy result in an argument. Always ending up with Em yelling and cursing. I rarely saw her like that. It's pretty pitiful to say I got used to the tantrums. _But that one day changed everything.

The pair was laid down snuggly into each other on Maya's bed. Maya's head on Em's chest, softly caressing each other.

_We're really going into our senior year together. Together. I love how that sounds. Wouldn't have it any other way. But…. What if we separate? We might have to, I want to pursue my music career not college. All Em got is scholarships. I would never force her to stay for me either. _

"Hey babe.. You've been thinking about life after graduation?" Germain shifted on her elbow to look her lover in the eye.

" Awe you know I got plenty of scholarships. I'm mainly focused on the University of Arizona though… You're gonna follow me right?" The look of dumbstruck hit her counterpart.

" Em you're not serious are you?" _Follow her?! Why would she ask such a thing? She din'task what I wanna do what the fuck! _Both girls sitting up realizing this conversation just took a sharp decline.

'Yes. The school is amazing. It has any major you wanna go for." Em explained slowly. Slowly as if Maya was a child.

"Emily. Do you even know what I want to do?"

_This fucking hurts. So much. She doesn't even know! We talked endlessly about college and how I don't wanna attend!_

Reading her mind Emily smoothly explained. " Maya love I know you wanna do music but.. Come on you don't wanna get any degree?"

" I told you plenty of times I don't."

" Maya stop it." Something in Emily changed. Her tone, her eyes even her voice. " I want you to be with me. It's not that hard to innerstand. Stop it."It shook Maya to the core. _It's oddly unsettling how calm she is. I know she has a minor anger problem but I have never seen this. Why is she treating me like this?_ Heartbeat raising suddenly due to the rage boiling inside her Maya scooted forward " You've got to be fucking kidding me. I'm not gonna follow you around like a puppy. I mean fuck I already have to answer all your calls, all your questions, tell you my location. This cconversatin is longover fucking due. Emily. You're too controlling! I put up with it because I don't want you to feel unappreciated. Remmber the one time I didn't answer a stupid question you called me out my name Em!" Finally letting the rage break the barrier. When she was done she realized Emily wasn't even looking at her. Clenched jaw and eyes down Emily drew a breath in.

"Maya stop it you're gonna say something you're gonna regret. You're pissing me off-" _Really?! _A lick of fear trickled into Maya but the rage overtook it.

" Grow. The. Fuck. Up." Those words sent Emily swiftly standing up. Pacing back and forth clenching and unclenching her fists. _Is she really this mad? Over me wanting to live my own life?! _

" Maya I love you with all my fucking heart. But i'm not stupid, far from it. I see the way people look at you and never see you fend them off. You're so happy go lucky touchy touchy with everybody. Now that I want you to myself it's a problem?!"

" You have me to yourself every fucking day Em! Yes I am friendly because I wasn't raised to be mean and rude. People drool over you too, oh you must have forgotten? I wasn't the one in the hallway hugging up with my teammate!" _And she still talks to that bitch. I damn near cried my eyes out that day I saw them. Nobody, not even Alison knows what you did. What you continue to do. _" Is that why you're so on top of me? Because you think I'm like you?" Maya inched closer and closer to Emily.

Still clenching her fists, even wiggling her fingers tapping them on the dresser. " Maya. Shut. Up."

" Or what? You're gonna find another bitch-"

Next thing Maya know she's on the floor with the right side of her face red. Emily slapped her. Hard.

_She- she Emily just hit me. Put her hands on me. _

Everything zoned out after that for Maya. Lightly feeling arms carrying her into bed, lips kissing all over face repeating apologies. _My Emily. Emily Fields…... __**That **__just happened. _Countless pleas fell deaf upon her ears. _Sorry sorry that's all I can hear. It still hurts. My heart hurt. So much. _Eyes on the ceiling she doesn't know what to say…. _I have to see her everyday.. I still love her. Without a doubt. So much it hurts…. She hurts me. _

" Maya i'm so sorry baby please say something" Emily eyes replaced the ceiling in Mya's view. She searched those eyes deeply. Seeing them revert back to the ones she fell in love with. Those soft brown eyes.

She choked out "E-Em why? Why are you hurting me?" Sobs overtook her body, tears coming in blocking Emily's guilt ridden face. " I do everything you ask of me. I never cheated on you. Never thought about it. I thought you loved me! Why? Why? Why would you hurt me?!"

" Maya my love please I'm so sorry! I let my anger get the best of me please. It'll never happen again. None of it. No more questions, no more hugging other girls, none of it baby. I-I just lost it okay? You struck a nerve I didn't know I have that's no excuse though. Please Maya stay with me. Together. I can fix this, we can fix this. I love you so much Maya please!." Emily begged tears slowly rolling down her face while she kissed all over her love body. No words were spoken except for Emily's countless apologies and Maya soft sobs. It quieted down after 15 minutes with Maya sniffling and finally saying " E-Emily. I can't do this. I-I can't keep getting hurt like this. " Sitting up to look her in the eye.

"No my love I fucked up but I will never do that again! Please Maya believe me. I'll do whatever to keep you. I love you Maya St Germain. I don't wanna live without you baby please! I'll go to counselling, therapy, anger management, anything to keep you. I'm cleaning up my act. I promise this will never happen again, believe me. " Emily said pleading. _You said you'll never hurt me but you are. I trusted you with my heart Emily… I still do. Am I a fool? _

"...You should leave." Maya eyes cast down unable to meet the other pair of eyes. Silently Emily got up, gathered her belongings and headed for the door. That night she blew Maya's phone up with apologies. _And of course I forgive you. Maybe I just made her mad? She did say I struck a nerve. _The pretty hurt Germain couldn't sleep that night No. Only weeping into her pillow. Restricted from telling anybody because she knows the truth. _I will end up taking her back._ Day by day Emily won her good grace with Maya again. But of course this toxic pattern came back in season 2 months later. Not one person in their group batted an eye. _I must be a really good actor… Emily is better._

_END FLASHBACK_

A car horn interrupted Maya in her flashback making her lift her head she didn't notice was down in the first place. Meeting her lovers eyes, both smiling at each other like kids in love. _So deep deep in love. Am I in too deep? _

"Damn, I'm that breathtaking?" Emily said smirking. _Yes you are. For good and bad reasons. _Germain starts giggling and walking to the car entering it. _Yeah I'm in deep fuck I love this girl so much. Just being by her brings me peace...But when we're bad oh are we bad. Right now we're iffy though. My moods are changing so much what's going on? Earlier I was dreading being by her but now.? Now I just wanna lay down and let her kiss me all day and all night. A curse and a blessing I miss them lips so much. We haven't kissed for days now. I was too anxious. We got into another argument a few days ago about the same thing. Over and over. Me and my 'wrongdoings'. Prior to that she reverted softly into her controlling ways. Only more discreet this time, always smiling while interrogating me. This time it was about me not signing up for SAT retakes. Fuck that test and fuck college. Em is still pushing me to go to college ever so subtly but I know if I give her a definite no that will shake us up-like last time. _

Once Maya got in she cut the radio on relishing the music. Acting on impulse Em cut the music up and stayed silent. 5 minutes later they arrived at Emily's house. A wave of relief washed over Maya. _I know Em will not curse me out not when her parents are home… Wait are they? _Em instincts kicked in again answering the question in Maya's head " My parents are on the way home babe my dad went to the airport to pick up my mother. Remember I told you she got discharged."

"I remember but I thought she'll be home early. You know your mom is always the organizer." Maya replied getting out of the car. Emily followed suit, leading her to the front door. The couple took off their shoes, got some snacks out of the kitchen and went straight to Emily's room. Silence traveled with them until Fields spoke up.

" My love I-I I uhh I apologized for earlier. You're my girlfriend not my property. If you don't wanna kiss me that's fine. But personally it makes me feel some type of way. That we haven't kissed. I mean come on we haven't even cuddled. I know I fucked up but love that was months ago!"

_Wow. She's more worried about what i'm not doing versus what she actually did wrong. _Just like that the brief contentment Maya felt was gone. _I don't wanna keep being the bad guy. I know I'm not. I don't want to make her mad but I'm not going to keep biting my tongue. Everytime I speak up here comes an argument. What should I do?_

Taking a deep breath Maya acknowledging both sides " Emily I know I've missed your lips so much but babe you are not innerstanding where I'm coming from. Yes it was months ago but everything you said you'd stop doing started back a month ago. Than we have an argument about me not retaking the SATs when I made it clear I don't care for it since I'm not going to college. No disrespect Em but get over it im not changing my mind. It's silly to be upset over the kiss itself and not what happened to cause it" She huffed out her chest finishing her declaration.

Her counterpart sat there staring intently at her. _I see those same eyes Im inlove with im good. Everythings ok. _

"Maya.. Love. I hear and I'm listening to you but please can I just get one kiss? PLease? I've missed you so much. I promise we will resolve this babe just one quick Kiss?" Emily said pouting.

_Fuck she really know's how to pull my heart strings. I've missed her too. She takes me on a rollercoaster man. One quick peck won't hurt._

Maya scoots closer to Emily now completely in front of her, leaning forward with eyes closed to kiss her girlfriend. Em quickly mirrors her but leans deeper in capturing her lover's lips slowly but passionately causing both of them to moan.

_Fuck fuck fuck. I've missed her soooo much. I can't even resist this anymore. I allowed her to kiss all my problems away… Again. This time doesn't feel as bad as I might add. _


	2. Chapter 2

copyright shit bla bla bla bla

Italics are Maya thoughts inner dialogue

Continued right from last chapter

Em gently pushes Maya back onto the bed, reconnects their mouths and starts untying her jogging pants.

_I-I don't.. We shouldn't... Fuck I really want to but.. We're teenagers, it's inevitable for our relationship to go through tribulations... Her kissing me resembles Joy I am turned on but this isn't cutting it. Feels soo good but I know this- this high - this victory will not sustain this long relationship I want... I need it._

_Kissing Licking Fucking feel so good_

_Maybe I'm thinking too hard. Too much. I need to just feel her love. Try to inner stand it._

Maya arches her back giving the advantage to Emily who gains the point by taking off her shirt. Nipping and kissing on Maya's collarbone skillfully reaching her ear whispering "I need you to know I love you My Saint. Please. Just know and remember that always. Please." Emily Leaning back to look in her lover's eyes seeing the similar tears to her own in those eyes. Both hearts are full of emotion.

One filled with shame, desperation, care and maybe love?

The other filled with shame, pure love, patience and maybe disappointment?

"Baby I'll never forget your love. I promise." Maya croaked out. Tears slowly falling down her cheek that Em wiped away. The couple leaned towards each other to connect foreheads breathing in each other's presence and reassurance. Germain took her lovers head in her hands kissing her softly, pouring only a little of the pure unselfish love into the kiss, saving the rest for better days. Letting her hands fall from Em face to her waist running her fingers over her hips lightly scratching giving rise to a soft moan out of her counterpart. Reciprocating the affection Em sits up trailing her fingers at the waistband to Maya shorts softly pulling them down.

Nipping and sucking down to Maya panties. Moans escaping both sets of lips. Naked bodies coming out to merge together. On the contrary the souls stayed as individuals. But just as always Emily led the couple, falling into routine Maya lays down submissively spreading her legs. Presenting her swollen light skin pussy lips glistening with arousal, slowly inching her hands down to touch herself- Intercepting the transaction Fields hand starts massaging her clit.

" Fuckkkk Mimi give me time."

"Sometimes I hate the wait." _The pleasure is so addicting. You. You are so addicting._ Grinding in tune with the motion on her clit. Extending her hands up, roaming the body, lightly scratching sometimes rubbing, all over.

"Yeah I know" Replacing hands with mouth and diving into sweet juices Em moans out, followed by more and more, some screams, and banging as the day wears out.

Waking up to a phone buzzing Maya untangles herself, reaches over answering the caller.

" Hello?" _I hope Em doesn't wake up. I don't even know who this is either._

"Hello Miss Germain, I've called cause I come upon a terrible realization that I miss you to the utmost degree. We must schedule an overnight reconciliation uhhhhhh I say tonight? Yes."

"Spencer babe why not just text me-" Cut short by a hand snatching the phone from her ear. " Yo Spenc don't you have Aria over there leave me and mines alone." _Yeah why is Spencer calling me out of nowhere? Did she notice me panic earlier? Oh shit fuck fuck. Hurry THINK!_

"Babe put the phone on speaker let us both hear her!"

" Ugh fine, Spenc you on speaker just to let you know. Soooo what do you have to say to us?" Em quizzically flashing her eyebrows at the phone.

"Well I have something to say to MY friend the Saint, nothing for you dear, My Saint I know you hear me and I know my request will not be ignored or denied. Text me when you are on the way. Bye Love you." Before Any input could be given the line died. The couple eyes met, feigning indifferent but with intensity on the edge of both sets, finally a breath left Emily lips.

" Soo I guess you have no choice huh?" Said with fake curiosity_. Why why why? Spencer gave me a free way out but Em is trying to catch me. Wait- I thought Spencer was going raging with the gang tonight?_

"Babe, you kept us in from the first party of the year tonight. Least I can do is go over Spencer's for a little sleep over since she ditched too. Do you think Aria still went?"

"Of course not, if she do she won't stay at the party for long without Spenc god they're so gay and won't admit it!" Laughter started between them. _I always felt like there was at least one more gay one in the family though. But two? Ehh that'll make most of us gay...Mhm This will need to be confirmed tonight. I wonder how-_

"Babe. You're spacing out again what's wrong?" _Somethings not adding up. _"Yeah just thinking, I'm going home babe text you later." _Quick get away. Thank you, Dorky Hasting._

A sudden energy shift took over the couple, it felt like a punch hit Maya in the gut.

"So, fuck me right?" _I don't even want to meet her eyes right now, put on your clothes calmly My buy some time, she already got you in bed after that half ass apology don't submit! _Maya hurriedly kissed Em on the cheek and start dressing.

"My love it's nothing like that." Back towards Em who's throwing hooks and uppercuts towards Maya with her eyes- her stare-her tone so menacing, so controlling. "We just had this conversation." _Fuck it time to match your energy. _My swiftly turned away with her bra, panties and t-shirt on in record time glancing up to her mate eyes she seen the epitome of the energy in the room- the relationship- the ugly picture she keeps trying to erase or better yet repaint. **Venom boiling.** Putting on her signature smile and head tilt to use Germain leaned in maintaining the stare down softly kissed Em.

" All the promises you make to me do you mean them? About** us? **Baby I don't know how many times I have to say this but I'm not leaving you. I will always come back home. Do you believe me?" _Cue the small waterworks for effect. _Fragile tears start slowly peaking out.

Energy shift again. Uplifted.

_Got her._

Fields rage immediately left initiating her to take deep breaths. Eyes softening. _That is the Fields I rose in love with, my protector, what happened to us? _

"I-I'm sorry baby I-It's a working process baby I mean every word every promise I just- it's a bad habit. Fuck… Ok just go enjoy yourself I love you My Saint ok?"

"Ok." Swiftly getting up, getting her things Maya exited the bedroom simultaneously leaving her anxieties behind. No words said from either party.

_Whew. This relationship is __**fucked.**__ Is it bad I don't feel bad playing on her emotions to avoid confrontations? One minute I wanna stay the next I know I have to leave; I need support to go through with this. I'm too weak to do this alone but… But than everyone will know her bad side, her flaws, I mean it's not her true self right? Let us see how this Spence conversation go first. _

Making her way home to shower than heading out to Spencer place Maya moved with weight in her steps loads of doubt on her mind- of course not unnoticed by her father.

"My daughter can we talk for a moment before you head out?" Mr. Germain was the male light skin replica of Maya with more fuller lips, low cut and still younger looking.

_Fuck. Why do everyone want to be my therapist today? _"Of course, Dad what's up?" meeting her dad on the couch.

"Straight to the point no kit kat what's wrong?"

"Umm me and Em just been arguing lately you know the regular teen angst."

"My don't lie to me. I know you don't wear makeup a lot so why are you hiding a make up bag in under your bathroom sink? I was not snooping I never go in there My its your bathroom, but I needed q-tips. Explain please."

_Nobody noticed the black eyes, the hickeys, the bruises but he found the evidence. He will __**kill**__ Emily if he found out. The black eyes and bruises were infrequent, rare occasions no need to bring it up anymore. _

"Dad just experimenting when I'm bored you know I'm still a girl at heart right?" Jokingly bumping into her father. He chuckled and bumped her back.

" I know I know I do forgot sometimes. On a serious note, Maya If Emily hurt you in any way you know what's going to happen right? I don't care how much you love her!" Mr. Germain riled up just from the possibility of harm coming to his daughter. _I will tell you one day Dad just not right now…._ Maya hugged her dad tightly and left out without another word. _Leave a trail of crumbs the best I can. _

"Soooo Let me start this conversation right. My Saint how are you feeling? **You and you alone.**"

_I love that about Spencer so much. Her blunt honesty. I missed her. _

"Honestly? It is kind a tricky I have to work it out in my headfirst. You know I like to come to the final judgement before speaking. How are you? DO you have anything specific to talk about?"

_It feels better just admitting I have something going on in my inner world. Everyone is around but don't truly know. _

"I do have something to touch base with you upon. See I want to admit it you first. So after I speak on that Alison will be coming so us 3 can talk about something. Is that ok? Well she more so want to talk to you so I can leave after if that's ok. Please don't tell anyone especially Em about this conversation and the fact that Ali also ditched the party." _What the fuck is going on? Is this the moment I let it all out? _

Letting out shaky breaths Maya can only nod her head "I promise Spence and whatever I say let's keep between us also. Thank you." The pair eyes finally met for the third time this whole interaction. Vague tension and anticipation building up. Neither know if its positive or negative just yet, hoping for nothing but the best while acknowledging the truth is an ugly bitch to bare.

"Well as you know me, and Aria are touchy feely I wan to admit to you first one on one that I am indeed gay especially for Aria." A smile broke out on Hastings face admitting her truth.

"Fuck finally! I knew it! Yessss! We have to celebrate you coming out oh my god this is amazing!"

"Oh my gosh you're embarrassing me. Everyone had their suspicions and you're still excited its confirmed." Shaking her head laughing Spence got up and got closer to My.

"Soo tell me how you realized it- Oh fuck did you guys kiss yet?!" Grinning like a schoolgirl Maya leaned into her best friend face wanting all the tea.

"See that's the thing I never kissed anyone. I might embarrass myself! What if I slob on her?"

_Practice makes perfect. I shouldn't but its Spence it's no harm. _

" Want to practice with me?" Spencer eyes bulged out sending Maya rolling over in fits of laughter.

"MAYA YOU ARE EMILY'S GIRLFRIEND YOU CANNOT CHEAT ON HER WITH ME!"

Sobering up from the laughs Maya sat up "I'm just volunteering Spence I thought that's what you wanted we're just friends. Me and Em? Yeah that's another dialogue." Casting her eyes away for a second. _I hope she did not catch that... or do I? I want help but I don't' want to deem Emily a monster or abusive… even though that's what's happening. _

A knock interrupted the moment.

"Come in!" Spencer shouted

Fabolous Alison waltzed through the door.

_She's on a mission. _

"Perfect timing we're ready for you to lead the conversation Ali." Worry settled in Maya nerves quickly, knowing Ali does not play around when it comes to confrontations or hard conversations.

"Ali how did you get away from a party let alone Noel's?" _Buy some time buy some time._

"Baby I can make the whole party pause for me if need be. I just walked out told the family I had business to take care I might or might not return it depends on you My Germain." Ali spoke softly with determination. _The mother of the group. I love her so much but damn, the best 2 observers are in one room confronting me, a full blown exposure. _

"What do you mean it depends on me?" Infamous head tilt thrown out.

"Oh keep the head tilt this is serious Saint. Do you start Spence or do I?" Their eyes met no words said Ali took the lead.

"What's going with you and Emily? Do not say nothing is wrong you think I-ME of all people would not notice the changes between you two? Or with you alone? Why have you been so fidgety? You know I know when you guys have arguments without telling us by the energy, your eyes, your actions, Maya you cannot hide nothing from us. Me and Spence just happen to think maybe you do not want everyone to know- the family- so you shelf the pain and stress. Everyone else will catch on, hell Hanna hinted at it on our way to the party. So, we're here as your sisters asking what is wrong?"

All the arguments

All the fights- physical and verbal

All the scars both inflicted on each other -mentally, physically, verbally and spiritually

All the bruises

All the secrets

All the pain

All the silence

All the love

All the promises made

All the changes

Reality

Truth

Came crashing down on Maya. Breaking her down making her sink the couch underneath her. Automatically two sets of arms wrapped around her.

_It hurts so much to even speak on it. I'm numb to it but the freshness resurfaces from time to time. It hits hard. I am losing grasp on us, my family is starting to notice, we've lost this time for good no going back. Nothing will be the same after this. __**Nothing.**_

After 15 minutes of the broken Saint sobbing she finally spoke

" Me and Em w-we haven't been good for **a while** but it's gotten bad over the summer. Things were already shaky before the school year ended but I-it just got worse. I tried so hard to keep the peace - the love between us but Em.. Us both really I do have a part in this. It started small you know? Petty arguments over irrelevant shit but slowly over time she'll be more controlling and my way of fighting back would be to tear her down verbally I pushed all the right buttons. She would say the right things to make me submit, forget all her wrong doings, all her lying. But sometimes I would just snap. I-"

"Did she cheat on you Maya?" Alison asked. **Silence**. Spencer scooted closer to rub the heartbroken girl, to soothe her. Alison stood up to pace back and forth. Hastings locked eyes with her, immediately making the blonde sit down to calm herself.

"I-I-I mean it wasn't technically cheating she never kissed or had sex with another girl, but I snuck into her phone. And every time it was messages of other girls flirting, she wouldn't flirt back but she never shut them down neither. One time I caught her hugged up with Sydney in the hallway I watched them the entire time there wasn't any kissing but fuck it still hurt!" Crumbling in her sister arms again.

**Silence**

"Everything with Em's mom was just effecting her to the core especially in the summer. She start being controlling, blowing up on me over not checking in. I would purposely deny her calls, ignore her texts, I would play dumb the next time I saw her which pissed her off even more. I would piss her off as my way to even the scales. I know I know its toxic-"

" Maya Maya slow down breathe. What scales? What do you mean?" Ali cooled her sister down by rubbing her back and wiping her tears.

_Let the whole truth come out._

"S-She um Em has anger problems. It started out small than it turned into yelling but I-I met her there every time I would get under her skin without even yelling guys it was so terrible. It still is who am I kidding? One day I came home late..I didn't know she was waiting for me there- my parents were out of town I was expecting an empty house. Once I stepped in she ambushes me with questions, I was just driving around trying to clear my mind.. Emily just kept getting madder and madder So was I. Imagine Em fuming yelling, screaming and accusing me and me just saying disrespectful things right back. She snapped. Em pushed me up against the door and choked me, I couldn't breathe I was so scared.. I was so hurt. Once she let me go the apologizing started immediately but the physical confrontations never stopped. The first time she put her hands on me was when I confronted her about Sydney- she slapped me. Of course, she apologized, promised she'll never do it again but it just got worse from there. Choking, slapping then finally punching me. I –"

"Maya are you saying Emily physically abuse you?" Alison voice cracked.

"And you verbally abuse her?" Spencer noted with a shaky breath.

"Yes." _I admitted my wrongs. I have a part in this toxicity too. I should've stopped this earlier but her love- Emily is just someone I cannot leave in this lifetime or the next I just need things to get better. One minute I want to leave the next I don't. I don't know what I really want all the apologies sound the same. _

" Does this happen on a daily basis? The abuse from either one of you?" Alison asked.

" No no but the tension is always there. We'll be good it'll feel like honeymoon in heaven then bam somethings goes wrong and we're right back to square one… Please guys this stays between us Em isn't a bad person. Neither am I we're just young not knowing how to deal with shit." Maya sobbed out.

Silence again. Silent exchanges given between Ali and Spencer.

"Maya we promise this stays between us but you guys need to break up right now. If we have to call Em over and do it for you we will. Matter of fact Ali take Maya home and I will call Em over, are you comfortable with that Saint? I will not bring up anything you have said in this room to her attention I will just her questions and say I pestered you about yall relationship, you didn't give in so now I'm being nosy and asking Em, is that ok with you?" Of course Spencer planned out the whole ordeal already.

"I have no other choice. I can not break up with her alone, not because of the backlash but-but because I wouldn't have the strength to do so… Thank you guys I love you." _My sisters- my family carrying my load even after I admitted my own abusive ways._

"Call her over right now Spence me and My are leaving." Ali wiped Maya face clear of tears "You are going to be okay. Come on love. Spence call me if you need me or My, we can start the healing process today."

The trio stood up and embraced each other then the pair left to go back to Ali's leaving Spence alone with the elephant in the room.

"Fuck My this is worse than I thought. What the fuck!" The poker face falling off of her face. Spencer couldn't believe she didn't sniff this out by now. Devastated that her two sisters are fighting and falling apart but more hurt that these two people she knew all her life have these types of demons. Physically and verbally abusive she could never see it but the pieces are falling together too fast. Everybody knew Emily was Maya weakness and vice versa but to imagine Maya using that against her? It hurt her heart and brain to imagine it.

"Let's this ball on the roll it." She reached for her phone and dialed her sister.

Two rings in she answers, "Hey spencer my intuition is telling the cat is out the hat huh?"

"Em are you high right now?" This is not the time for this.

"I'm only a couple hits in I can stop, I had a feeling this was going to happen... Truth be told it should've happened a long time ago. Or better yet things shouldn't get this bad with our love. It hurt Spence it really does." Sobbing ensues over the phone- it broke Spence heart some more.

"Please Em come over mines right now it's only me, Maya is gone, please."

"Ok I'm walking right now to yours I need some fresh air." With that said the line went dead.


End file.
